Advanced Calculations for Women in Heterosexual Relationships


A published short story about the innumerable and silent calculations in a relationship, masquerading as a humor piece. Trending on the front page for 3 weeks. ~750 words.

“Take the function of Mary. Take the function of John. Does Mary remember who she was before John?”

“If Mary stays silent about her needs (emotional, physical, etc.) and anything that is bothering her, John will think she is “super chill,” “low-maintenance,” “independent,” and that their relationship is going well. “X” is the cost of Mary’s silence. Solve for X.”

Read it online at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency